BREAKING: Kanye West Agrees to Produce Elon Musk Break-up Album in Aftermath of Split With Grimes
STARBASE, TX—After Elon Musk’s recent break-up with Canadian pop star, Claire Elise Boucher, aka Grimes, Kanye West texted his friend, wishing him well. Elon responded immediately, giving free reign to his emotions, confessing he didn’t feel like his “same old self.” Kanye then admitted to being in dark place recently after the termination of his marriage to socialite Kim Kardashian.
In a moment of synchronicity and serendipity, the two billionaires came up with the idea of collaborating on a break-up album.
After the first burst of enthusiasm, however, Elon grew resistant, so Kanye contacted Taylor Swift for advice.
“Tay it’s Ye. Elon thinking about a break-up album.”
Swift, who’s recorded 73 break-up albums herself, and is widely considered the queen of the genre, was enthusiastic about the idea. “It truly does mend the aching wounds of heartbreak,” she said. “But you have to be careful. After that first time, it can become…. addictive. You enter new romances solely for the spark of creative inspiration. And slowly, bit-by-bit, the world becomes a cold, lonely, soulless, dark-hearted, existentially-futile place, lacking any signs of capability for authentic love…” Swift trailed off at this point, gazing into the distance, but then quickly snapped back and giggled: “But the first one is a blast!”
Musk is taking his preparations seriously. He’s been in intense training with preeminent rapper Vanilla Ice, so he can hang with Ye’s generational-talent. Not only has Musk memorized all the lyrics to Ice Ice Baby, he’s progressed to other highly-acclaimed tunes such as—Havin’ a Roni, Juice to Get Loose Boy, and Trailer Park Mullet Wars.
Kanye’s only hesitation is Elon’s workaholism. The CEO-entrepreneur is well-known for his 120-hour work weeks broken down into five-minute increments for ultimate efficiency, only shutting off the machine with large doses of Ambien, Twitter memes, and wreaking havoc in the global cryptocurrency markets.
To prevent any distractions from the creative process, Musk has agreed to launch himself into space, alongside West, in a specially-designed SpaceX shuttle, The Yeezy I, which has been equipped with a full music studio. The two men will orbit Earth for an entire week of collaboration, creating what will likely be the most highly-anticipated hiphop album since M.C. Hammer’s 1991 Too Legit Too Quit.
The Astro Knot has attained a list of tentative songs for the album:
Rhymes for Grimes
Hoe Get Out My Tesla
Spacey Ex
Find Yo’ Own Ride to Mars
Pronouns Suck
Pink Hair Pink O
1-2-3-4 ( I Declare a Break-Up Meme War)
And the capstone track, including a tender solo by Elon:
X Æ A-Xii Loves Dad More Than Mum
The two rappers will premier the album on January 22 during a listening party at Atlanta's Mercedes-Benz Stadium, before its release a week later. Ye will then delay the release of the album and host another listening party, at Soldier Field, on February 14, releasing the album three days later. That fake release date will then be followed by another delay and another listening party at Madison Square Garden on March 17th. The album will actually be released on April 1, 2022.
Rumors are circling that, if the album is successful, Musk and West will kick-off The Bros Before Hoes Tour, a global, 50-city, mega-stadium extravaganza, in the summer of 2022.
UPDATE: The Astro Knot has received multiple reports that billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates, also suffering through a nasty split, has contacted Elon and Kanye to possibly join-in on the collaboration, desperately needing to vent his pent-up feelings about ex-wife, Melinda.
Gates emailed a list of his own potential song titles:
Melinda Got Back
Alone With My Micro Softness
I Vaxx the World (You Ax My Heart)
Man-Jaw on My Mind
After ridiculing the idea of allowing the Seattle billionaire to join their project, Musk and West told Gates to “fuck right off.”
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